Accidental self-induced vomiting

A few mornings ago I woke up feeling like I could do something crazy like conquer the aztecs or be social or tame a horse (for my feelings on horses see post “Animals I like”).  I felt like that little, squishy, happy blob in the Zoloft ads after the blob took medication and is no longer a sad blob.

The happiest of blobs. Image via http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/09/01/drug_advertising/

I got out of my white, fluffy, marshmallow of a bed and danced to the sink that’s on the side of my room. Sinks in rooms will turn out to be more convenient than I had originally believed.

I brushed my teeth and saw the bottle of multivitamins smile at me out of the corner of my eye. “Perfect!” I thought, “vitamins are so healthy, therefore they will improve my day even more!” The impossible became possible.

The nicest of vitamin creatures. Image from http://www.centrum.com/?WT.mc_id=general

My vitamin friend entered my stomach and I sat down to check my Facebook, Twitter..etc to see if I had updates..which I didn’t. No matter, vitamins are better than pokes!  As I switched on Pandora for the relaxing and sophisticated tunes of Carla Bruni radio, the dreaded feeling hit me.   The clammy sweat of my palms streaked the keyboard and nausea overtook my soul.  I stumbled into the kitchen and barely reached the top shelf to procure a banana.  I quickly ate half the banana as I was hunched over the sink, blindly thinking that food+nausea=not nauseous.  Sweating and trembling, I felt like Gollum creepin around eating his gross raw fish.

Help me my body hates me. Image from http://www.channel4.com/film/advertorial/Sony/movies.html

I slid on the floor back to my room, temporarily tricked into feeling better.

Deeply inhaling, I sought to control my body when I felt that inevitable lurch in my stomach. I felt helpless and alone and sad at my adverse turn of events.  I grasped my desk with my sweaty palms, preparing to bolt/grovel to the bathroom.  I stood up quickly and turned to run.  In retrospect such sudden movement was a poor choice: right then and there I found my self on the verge of destruction, could move no further and fell to my sink.  I was at the mercy of the merciless vitamins and chundered everywhere. Multiple times. (Sorry gross) (No I’m not sorry- it sucked, eff you vites)

Sad, weakened, and ashamed that I vomited in the sink in my room I crawled helplessly back to bed.

Vitamins are dementors and wish you more bad than good.

MWAHHHhahahahHEEEEEEe

Update:

I had a banana after I woke up for the second time that day, significantly less happy than before, and no taste aversion noticed! Success!